I’m Erin Heldmann. Leader, coach, trainer…and recovering perfectionist.
It actually took me three weeks to finish writing this piece — and that’s progress!
What was I doing when I wasn’t writing (other than beating myself up for not being a “good enough” writer)?
I’ll tell you what I wasn’t doing: I wasn’t taking important actions towards my goals, hitting that extra yoga class or going out with my fellow goddesses.
Perfectionism throws us into procrastination; and ultimately, when we obsess over being perfect, we aren’t able to get our REAL work out into the world.
I know I’m not alone in my perfection paralysis. Through my work as a coach, I’ve learned perfectionism is truly an epidemic.
Too often, our desire for perfection blocks us from doing all the amazing things we’re meant to do (like sharing our stories, working with new clients + changing the world).
And we’re allowing this obsession to add a TON of extra stress to our plates. No, thank you!
Here’s exactly what I did to ditch my perfectionist ideas, and start living (and crushing my goals)!
The first step? Ditch these 3 annoying things:
YOUR INNER CRITIC – Stand up to your inner bully! Seriously, have you heard her recently? You probably haven’t been paying attention, because her voice has become background noise by now. To be honest, she’s kind of a brat. If you’re anything like me, you never hesitate to stand up for others and put bullies in their place. Why wouldn’t you do the same for yourself?! The next time you hear that voice chiming in where she doesn’t belong, CHALLENGE HER! Better yet, leave her at home! Trust me–she could use the night off.
INTERPRETATIONS – A lot of our perfectionism is driven by fear of judgment…judgment from co-workers, friends, family, even those random Facebook friends from forever ago who you never really knew in the first place. We drive ourselves into the ground to be perfect so that random strangers don’t judge us? That doesn’t make any sense. The BEST way to get in front of this is by removing your interpretations from your thoughts.
An interpretation is anything that is not a fact. They are the way that we learn to relate to & understand most things in life. A good way to identify your interpretations is to ask yourself, “Compared to who or compared to what?” the next time you hear your inner critic piping up. You can also ask yourself “by what standard of measurement?” Descriptions like ‘too lazy’ are not a concrete measurement and therefore leave room for interpretation. The main point here is to realize that you’ve created an arbitrary way to measure, judge or assess how perfect something is. Now, ditch them! Drop a couple of those judgements and you’ll feel 10lbs lighter!
NOT GOOD ENOUGH – But am I good enough to apply for that job? That picture of me/paper I wrote/race I ran isn’t good enough… I need to re-do it. Sounds like a whole lot of interpretation to me! SCREW THAT!
You are freaking amazing.
Of course it’s good enough! Instead of re-doing it (like I did with this article) use that time to move onto the next amazing thing that you’re going to create! Seriously! Women stop themselves before they start WAY TOO MUCH. The next time you hear yourself questioning whether you are good enough to get that job or good enough to land that amazing dude, STOP. Take a breath. And then go apply for that job & hit up that amazing dude! What do you have to lose? A blow to the ego? Or goddess-forbid someone might judge you! Just try it out. Your perfectionist will jump in and take over if you need her. Oh and adopt the C+ rule…or maybe B-? It’s a practice not a perfect! C+ = the new A+ ;), former perfectionists!
Now here is the fun part! Replace those with these 3 things:
SELF-LOVE – Goddesses! This is SUPER IMPORTANT. We need to love ourselves with limitless compassion, like a goddess loves her child. The yummiest, juiciest, sweetest, and deepest love; that’s what our inner child needs. She needs patience and compassion. She needs selfless forgiveness, lots of gratitude and acknowledgments. When was the last time you actually took the time to compliment yourself or think about all the amazing things you have done recently? When was the last time you gave yourself some juicy love and acknowledgment for being YOU?
An added bonus? People cannot resist loving a goddess who truly + deeply loves herself.
SURRENDER – Does this sound too intense? It doesn’t have to be. A goddess in her true feminine energy is meant to surrender, to let go, and to flow through her life like the beautiful being that she is! She wasn’t meant to struggle, to fight, to resist… She is meant to be! We are meant to flow through the crazy up and down cycles of life. It’s kind of our job, among many other things. The next time you have the option to just let it go, even if that next time is really intense, make an active choice to let go… to surrender. A side effect of this is being present! If you’re actively surrendering all of your fears and doubts, you can’t help but be present in each new thought and feeling that comes your way.
HUMAN IS THE NEW SEXY – Humans are not perfect. And that’s a beautiful thing! You have full permission to embrace just being a human. If anyone feels differently and tells you otherwise… remove those interpretations (or send them my way-you know how I feel about bullies!). Seriously, your perfectionist and inner critic are already doing an A+ job of voicing every possible negative or fearful interpretation. They’ve got you covered. You don’t need any more voices in the mix. Plus, allowing yourself to be human allows you to be authentic. Isn’t that what everyone is really looking for, anyway?
You’ve got this, goddess. Comment below and share what you are going to take on RIGHT NOW to move past perfection and into peace.
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